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Faux Grass

Originally published on dizzywhale.com 7/1/2016

The Philly Cheesesteak has no beef,
The bread it’s on has no wheat,
And the stuff that they call cheese,
Is absolutely dairy free.
 
Yes, you’ll find all you want and more,
On the shelf of the health food store.
                                                  
There are eggless eggs, such a treat,
The fishless tuna’s really neat,
The vegan chicken’s quite a feat,
There’s so much faux for us to eat.
 
And all this lets us grace our table,
Keeps our diet so sustainable.
 
With enzymes, glutens, isolate,
Powders, extracts, protein concentrate,
Fungus, gums, chlorides and phosphate,
Roots get squeezed until they lactate,
 
All this gunk gets brewed and stewed,
To be sold as natural food.

Recyclin’ Law Blues

Why bad advertising is harder to write than good.